Called to be People of Accompaniment
Andrew Kirschman, SJ
How do we mourn? This is the overwhelming question that has stuck with me since reading The Book of Mev by Mark Chmiel. Living freely to embrace all that life throws at us while at the same time not holding on or clinging to what we hold most dear…I wonder if the way we mourn offers us insights into who we are as individuals and as community?
In The Book of Mev, Dr. Chmiel offers various reflections on this theme. The major part of the book focuses on his journey with the woman he fell in love with and gave his life to. And maybe that is the key: falling in love. It opened him to being with his wife in the peak moments as well as in the painful, lonely and heartbreaking moments. In the final chapters of the book Dr. Chmiel writes of his work in justice movements and travels to the Middle East – another expression of what love continues to open and call him towards.
I am touched by the honesty of the book – both in regards to how it expresses who Mev Puleo was as a person as well as who Mark Chmiel, the author and husband, has become. Dorothy Day was noted for saying she did not want to be named a saint because of the distance that title would put between her and the stories of real people. This is a story that brings a human dimension to someone (Mev) who in some circles and over time has grown larger than life.
I am also struck by the way the book speaks of “the struggle is one” – both the title of Mev’s book and an image articulated over and over in the book. In the personal stories relayed in the life of Mev, we hear how Dr. Chmiel, Mev and their families surrounded themselves with good people – people who where willing to just “be with” if and when that was what was needed. This “struggle is one” – one person, a couple, a family, a community – has the power to transcend individuality and move towards capturing universal experiences. This “struggle is one” becomes a struggle that I would like to think all readers can identify with and thus it becomes the struggle of all. It is the struggle for an authentic life of integrity; the struggle of acceptance that life is delicate and yet meant to be lived to the fullest in whatever form that may take; the struggle for connection with humanity; the acknowledgement that we are not alone in this world and that even our suffering can be a way of building solidarity across the globe (isn’t that what Mev’s photography work does?). The “struggle of one” becomes the struggle for all.
The Book of Mev illustrates a person deeply loved – and tragically lost too young. This loss is a loss that must be mourned and mourned well. Dr. Chmiel offers insights into how he lets his heart give so much and despite the hurt, remains open to being broken again. The temptation is to fall into growing cynical or giving in to despair. Jon Sobrino, S.J. writes that despair is the greatest sin because it denies the possibility that God can overcome any obstacle we face. When we do not let the mourning process take place we can easily fall into cynicism and despair. Mourning becomes an important way of remembering, honoring and eventually celebrating the past in the hopes of letting it break open into a freedom to give more fully to others. As the book demonstrates, mourning allows us to use our hurts and losses to bind us more deeply with the sufferings and hurts of our world.
Ignacio EllacurÃa, S.J., one of the Jesuit Martyrs from El Salvador raised the question, “who are the crucified people in the world today?” When we identify those on the cross, we are invited to stand at the foot of the cross and work in the process of taking the crucified people down from the cross. There is a level of urgency in the issues our world faces – at the bare minimum we are called to be people of accompaniment. An indication that the mourning process is fulfilled is when we are free to give ourselves to others, in a deeper way – a way that we discover throughout The Book of Mev.
I am grateful for the honesty and humility shared in this story.
Andrew Kirschman, SJ
UCA, San Salvador, El Salvador