Recognitions
by Lauren Trout
Lauren took Social Justice in spring 2007 and was kind enough to share these journal entries from when she was reading The Book of Mev.
1-30-07 12:21 pm
I’m halfway through The Book of Mev and I’m so EXCITED about all of the parallels I find in my life with Mev’s. I by no means am trying to argue that I am as spiritual, as willing to risk so much, as loving of others, anywhere on the same level as a person. But I can’t explain how good it feels to find out that she went to Pillar, Visitation, SLU- that she came from an upper-middle class family. My dad went to Pillar, I go to SLU- I know these places. It makes her real and it makes me feel like I can still feel a calling towards the marginalized and still have had things handed to me in my past.
I like that this story has faces- this story is almost tangible. I’m amazed at the way she could simply pick up and travel or decide to spend time in Brazil (again, after going through so much). I want to ask which books moved her, which places did she constantly want to return to, which stories never left her, what advice she would have given to a young idealist.
I find so many little similarities about her life and mine, her thoughts and mine-it’s giving me comfort that I’m on the right track. Reading about Mev is both comforting and inspiring. The people, the places I know, her personal relationships make her real rather than just a social justice activist who appears to have simply, always been an activist. This is extremely comforting to me. Reading about Mev’s personal life- her love for chocolate, her love for Dr. Chmiel, her friends- it gives her a past and it gives her humanity. This, to me, is so comforting and inspiring because by leaving her human, rather than placing her on a social justice pedestal, I feel a stronger responsibility to work as an activist. Reading about the little parts of Mev makes me feel ok that I am not perfect, that I don’t have a difficult past, I wasn’t born with a calling to the marginalized and I can still do something for others, in my own little way.
2-11-07 3:01 pm
I finished The Book of Mev. I sat with it for awhile and then went to see all of my friends next door. As they talked about their Saturday night, I just sat there, angry and sad, like they didn’t understand what I had just been through (even though I really hadn’t been through anything. I felt changed- moved like I had gone through some massive event- but I hadn’t.
All I can think of right now is Dr. Chmiel. Does he think about her every other second? Does he miss her today just as much as he did the day she died? How does he sleep in a big bed with no one beside him? How can he stop himself from talking about her constantly? How can he still think our world beautiful after suffering such a loss? Maybe that’s what Mev did for him- made him see beauty despite all of the loss. I hope that I have someone in my life like Mev. No, I hope that I can be a Mev to someone-someone like Marko, and Teka, and Steve, and parents, and marginalized, and idealistic college students who crave change by don’t know how.
How do you lost someone like that and move on? Or do you? Do you ever recover? I am so touched. Touched by Dr. Chmiel’s strength. Touched by Mev’s honesty. Touched by their relationship. Touched by all the people she touched. I wonder if he knows I look at him with eyes that want to understand- eyes that want to listen if understanding isn’t possible. I wonder if she sees me, walking through her Alma Matter, anxious to do something important. Does anyone see me and know? Do people see a girl that wants peace when they look at me? If not, then I’m doing something wrong.
2-17-07 5:42 pm
The Book of Mev moved me more than I could have ever imagined. It literally shook me up- took the ground out from under me. It brought me back to the person I used to be- the person I want to be.
There’s a line I can’t let go of- a line that haunts me: “My life as usual can’t continue when…” I have to be the one to change my ordinary life and stand up for something when X, Y, or Z is happening- when I’m being called to a life for others.
After reading that book, I’m realizing for the first time in my life, I need to be pro-active about my life for others. May I always have “My life as usual can’t continue when…” in the back of my head for the rest of my life.
Lauren is soon to join Volunteers for Peace to work in Uganda summer 2007; she will be studying in the CASA program in San Salvador in the fall of 2007.