Accompaniment/612

The following is a writing practice done by one of my current students, Kristin Swanson, who has been a regular presence at Karen House this year. The topic I gave to the class that day was “People I stood by during tough times” and this is what came to Kristin…

I walked into the church that day and felt completely out of place. As if I had stumbled in on some secret meeting where I wasn’t allowed. I gripped Megan’s hand one last time as we both seemed to part, going in opposite directions- her towards Jenny and me towards the photos. I was trying to catch a glimpse of who this man way. All around me people were hugging and whispering and putting their hands to their lips and furrowing their brows- a facial gesture I’ve found is almost synonymous with death. My heart was aching- I felt tears burning in my eyes but felt almost embarrassed to cry. “You have no right,” I thought. “You did not know this man.”

I looked at the photographs of Dan and saw familiar faces looking back at me. Faces that were too young for me to remember, but were familiar all the same. I saw Tony, Julie, Jenny, Annjie, even Teka- but they weren’t the faces of my Tony, Julie, Jenny, Annjie, or Teka; and it was strange. Megan came up behind me and I turned, almost instinctively hugging her. As we embraced she started crying and I could feel her grief inside me. I felt every person’s grief inside that church- it was screaming and hot and terrifying- but I didn’t try to push it away, I couldn’t. It was all I could give, my heart. And I allowed it to be filled by emotions that weren’t my own that day, so maybe, just maybe, it would make it better, a little easier for someone.