A Fire and a Thirst for Knowledge by Carrie Neill

Saturday 29 March 2008

Last Saturday I joined a hundred other people at Forest Park Community College to see new works by the International Play Ground. IPG is a project of the Center for Survivors of Torture and War Trauma, whose staff includes Jean Abbott and Anne Farina. (The devotion they give to the adults and youth, respectively, is, for me a never-ending source of awe.)

Young students from Afghanistan, Cuba, Colombia, Somalia, and Liberia wrote the script for and acted in two plays: first, “Where You From,” by the TAP (Teen Age Players) and “Everyday Oppression” by IPG. The brilliant, daring, and vivacious Magan Wiles (Social Justice alum, 2004) ably directed the students as they told their stories in the spirit of Martin Luther King’s famous remark, “We are tied together in the single garment of destiny, caught in an inescapable network of mutuality. And whatever affects one directly affects all indirectly.”

I was delighted to see three of my current SLU students helping out in various ways throughout the evening: Miranda Portwine, Annie James, and Carrie Neill, who are doing their Social Justice “insertion” with CSTWT. Before the event, Carrie sent me the following reflection, which I am pleased to share here…

There are injustices occurring every moment and I did not even notice until this semester. This may be a bit of an exaggeration. Maybe what I should say instead is that deep down I was aware that there was injustice in the world. I knew at any time there were millions, or billions, of people in poverty while the rich sat back and watched. I knew that, but, until this semester, I had been doing a very good job of pretending those things did not exist or were not as bad as they truly are.

It was easy, really. All I had to do was load my days so completely with activities and studying that I did not have time to breathe – let alone educate myself on the many social injustices occurring in St. Louis and around the globe. This semester has been different though. You could say I have been taking a breather. I chose to lessen my load for my last semester at SLU. In making this decision, I thought I was giving myself a gift – a pre-graduation celebration. But in reflection, I see that this little gift has been one of the most beautiful and necessary challenges of my college career. I can honestly say that I have been challenged more in the last half of this semester than in my first three years of college combined. I feel that have discovered a fire and a thirst for knowledge – especially about social issues and those people throughout the world who have made it their life’s work to change them. I would be lying if I said it did not scare me. It does. A lot. I was comfortable before. But then I see people like Anne Farina and Megan Heeny, strong women with a burning passion for those people who suffer right here in St. Louis, and I would never want to be back in that false sense of security.

This semester, the issue that I have chosen to work with has been victims of torture and war trauma. Miranda Portwine and I are both doing insertions at the Center for Survivors of Torture and War Trauma and have been spending time together, and separately, putting into action the advertising and ticket sales for the upcoming International Playground production. This endeavor has impacted me because of a few different reasons. First of all, I am growing attached to this cause. Each day that I try to find ways to advertise I am thinking about these children and adults who have been through such horrible injustice. I really have no concept of the pain and suffering that they have been through and the many challenges they now face after being uprooted from their home and moving to America. It is overwhelming at times just to think of what they have been through. Honestly, I try to not think about that past part of their life and just try to help with what I can now. I feel so selfish for getting sad about their experience. It is theirs for eternity, and all I can do is try to ease their induction into the life and society I have grown up in.

Earlier this semester Miranda and I met to discuss our tactics for advertising the International Playground event and from this meeting I was given such a warmth and strength. Miranda is a person that I am so glad to work with. She reminds me of the many strong women who run the Center for Survivors. I am so glad to be able to work with and for them during this insertion. I hope that I can learn to have even an ounce of their strength and will.

During this whole process I am learning how to deal about frustration. To say the least, I am a perfectionist. When I want to get something done it will get done. But that has not been working out for me lately. In addition to advertising and ticket sales, Miranda and I are working on finding local businesses to donate food and beverages for the reception following the play. In working to find these donors, I have become extremely frustrated. I am seeing that even when you want to make a contribution, things do not always work out – or at last do not work out easily. My control issues are being tested daily. Part of me wishes I could just provide all that the Center needs and be done with it. Unfortunately, this is not possible and I am just going to have to deal with it.

Working with Miranda and the employees at the Center for Survivors of Torture and War Trauma is allowing me to learn more fully of the bittersweet job we all have. Helping these people better serve the many victims they work with, is something I am so glad that I am able to be a part of. With each little victory I am having there is a constant reminder of the reason behind my dedication. People are being hurt unnecessarily. Children are suffering. This is not okay. I understand that I cannot stop this on my own, but I hope that even through my little contributions at the Center for Survivors I will be able to lessen the pain and fight the injustice occurring throughout the world.