The Book of Mev according to Liz Cos

Liz studied Social Justice in the fall of 2006.

“Life is short, so short. I taste my pettiness, my cockiness, my peacockiness, my vanity, my mimetic desire, my control compulsion, my grudges, resentment, my manipulation, my playing to the crowds even without knowing it. And they are dust in my mouth. There is finer drink, living water. And I don’t know if it’s the easy Christianity, the smiling young Mev sings in front of the Coop, but it is that, and more-it’s also the lady singing the blues, and the vets drinking beer jamming to the rockers, and it’s the grace of the tightrope juggler, and it’s the gift of the 5,000 year old Persian hammer dulcimer, and it’s the Iraqi orphan and widow, and it’s the choice to commit my life in communion with Mark-this is all living water. It is bitter and it is sweet. It has suffered and it has triumphed. Life is so complex. Sing it, Bob: “How long can you falsify and deny what you need…” (150-151)

I have become better and better at catching myself randomly throughout the day in pure awe of the world, the people in it and my opportunities. This quote emphasizes to me the importance of living each day to the fullest. Let go, “Live and let live.” There is unhappiness, there is poverty, there is injustice; but you have to believe in the grace of God and have hope there’s more than that. I love the term “living water;” it implies the lack of consistency or constant form water possesses in comparison to how fragile life is and it’s likelihood to change at every moment. There’s not one thing you can fully extract and consider separate from living water…you get all the good with the bad, and through that, attain balance and beauty.

““Yeah, something like, ‘Breathing in, I am growing calmer. Breathing out, I see the tumor getting smaller.”
“Excellent! Nhat Hanh would be so proud of you!”
“Breathing in, I entrust myself to God, Breathing out, I see the tumor disappearing.”
Her brain may have been under siege, but Mev had presence of mind.” (256)

This exercise when we did it in class was monumental for me; I have used it numerous times to fall asleep at night or when I am by myself thinking about all there is yet to do. Mev’s capacity to channel that inner sense of calm and peace awes me. And how moving it is in such a context. This is the ultimate inspiration. I can’t think of another instance more challenging that dying consciously aware of and experiencing the pain from cancer. To not simply give up and give in to the evil of the disease but trying to beat it even at her weakest moment demonstrates immeasurable strength. I can not whine over a bad grade or missed night out after reading this; it gives weight to my words over petty situations.

“We also came to learn that to be in solidarity with the poor we didn’t have to give up everything or stop being who we were. I’ll always be middle-class, even if I lower my salary. We’re middle class by the very way we understand society, our level of education, our access to persons and power. We can’t deny our own history! But we do have to place our gifts and our work at the service of changing society. We have to use our goods to serve the grassroots struggle. – Lori Altmann”(141)

This provided a breath of fresh air. I have been so discouraged and tormented by my past and present behaviors of consumerism and materialism. This quote allows me breathing room, but by no means gives me complete freedom. It acknowledges the fear I have inside that my life could change so drastically I won’t be able to recognize myself or the things I value in my character should I transform my behaviors; my character can be right where I want it, all I have to do is modify my actions. I think part of my character is a calling to be just, fair, conscious and exposed. The goods I have that I am nervous to adjust to life without are allowed, but in communion with the struggles my neighbors face.

“In the West, we are very goal oriented. We know where we want to go, and we are very directed in getting there. This may be useful, but often we forget to enjoy ourselves along the route.” (99)

Story of my life. Well… sometimes. Like I discussed in my insertion paper, I think I am entirely too futuristic for my own good at times. This week alone, in discussions with my best friends here at SLU, our conversations have revolved around goals. Our goals for the future in careers, travels, families, relationships and education are nipping at our heels. There’s so much pressure to achieve certain standards and I think a main reason goals become sources of stress is the competition factor. People end up not in it for the passion but for a title for defeat of someone else. I chose my major not because it was the most recommended or considered attractive to employers, but because it’s what I am good at, love to do and envision myself growing in.

“Now transformation is a big word that might give you the wrong idea. When I say transformation, I’m not talking about the spectacular. There’s a tendency when talking about Mev-at least her public image- to engage in hyperbole. Mark was often trying to deflate that talk and bring things back down to the ordinary and simple. As Mark said, the public Mev will be around long after she has died. It’s the private Mev that’s gone forever- the Mev he sleeps with every night-and it is the loss of that Mev that he mourns. Instead of talking about how Mev was a saint or a star or a crusader for social justice, Mark would want to talk about her beautiful skin.” (335)

This is a lesson in being humble. I’m not surprised Dr. Chmiel would downplay the amazing, incomparable aspects of his life. And public image…so many people are always involved in things solely FOR the public image. The true test of legacy is whether it transcends the public sphere. Obviously for Mev it did. I also picked this passage because it showed such an intimate side of Dr. Chmiel; his complete blindness to Mev’s paralysis or external signs of suffering are so indicative of their love for one another, and to be honest it’s so romantic. We need more Dr. Chmiel’s out there to deemphasize standards of impure attractiveness and bring back authentic beauty.

“God, empower us to strive and struggle with integrity, love and humility for a better world, to strive and struggle courageously, willing to risk, willing to be unaccomodated, placing our freedom on behalf of others’ unfreedom – empower and inspire us to act creatively and justly and lovingly and disruptingly……Some things are profound enough to interrupt our lives.”.

I read this and immediately made note of it as a prayer. I am going to write my journal entry exactly as it appears and as I shared in class to kind of sum up why this stuck out for me as we ended The Book of Mev..hopefully it serves as a good Commonplace writings closure as well:

Journal Topic Choices in Class: “My reaction so far to The Book of Mev……” or “I’ll be glad when this class is over because…”

“I’m going to write about why I’ll be SAD when this class is over because everyday is insightful, unpredictable, unstressful and facilitates my thoughts on topics I usually make excuses to avoid. The chemistry between class members both in and out of class is profound and I’ve gotten to know a multitude of people whom I would have probably not found on my own, but came to SLU anticipating interaction with; this is the diversity and range of backgrounds and variety of topics I crave. I feel more motivated in this class than any other and it’s because of the LACK of structure that constrains and stresses and pressures. My eyes have been opened to such a wealth of knowledge, yet also to how BLIND I am, in my own knowledge, opinion formation and pursuit of maturation. This class is the one I LOOK FORWARD to spending an all nighter on, end up so absorbed in materials, quotes and evoked thoughts, I’m delirious from lack of sleep, and physically percolating from caffeine overdose but I . don’t. care. ….If you would burst in on me in my room at this point, I would probably look like death, but be so high on life…

I think I became a personal salesperson for this class while on Encounter; I was remembered as “that group member who is over in the corner scurriedly flipping through her notebook to recite ANOTHER quote that she got from the class everyone talks about, with the teacher everyone’s obsessed with, who wrote the book I refuse to let people return when I go to work at the bookstore; I seriously wanted to fake my experience of this class when Chmiel recommended taking it again if you didn’t get anything out of it, but then I realized the same pople wouldn’t be here and that I would be a really bad faker then because I would be overwhelmed with intent to share what someone had said and little did they know I wrote down word for word and wrote 10 pages on later. Dr. Chmiel, I have a little…well let’s be honest – HUGE obsession with you. With this class, with what you inspire me to think about, express, and feel so not awkwardly yet nakedly share with others and myself. “Some things are profound enough to interrupt our lives.” Well congratulations. Thank you. A+. I’m going to “pay it forward.”

And this prayer passage will help me remember these thoughts and feelings. Thank you again. I can’t express enough what a memorable class this has been.