Thursday 20 March 2007
I have known some amazing activists at SLU: Eric Sears, with whom I studied in 1999; Emily Weiss, who took my class in 2002, Charlie Crowley, who enlightened us in 2005, and Kathryn Jonas, who made my summer with her participation in class in 2007. All four have made major commitments to, among other works, Amnesty International. Kathryn has been living and studying in China this academic year and has much greatly missed by many of us. The following are some of her reflections on passages from The Book of Mev…
“As the outspoken Brazilian archbishop remarked, “When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor are hungry, they call me a Communist.†[26]
I’ve seen this quote before and always loved it, so I’m glad to know now who said it. I think this happens still today, even though the label of communist is not nearly as damning as it once was. Everyone praises those who spend time at soup kitchens feeding the poor on Christmas and it’s an important thing to be done. But even in my work with Amnesty, USAS, or Jobs with Justice, I’ve been criticized as unpatriotic, anti-America, terrorist lover, hippy, and, yes, even communist. Why? Because I see poverty and I work against the structural systems in the US and abroad that maintains and thrives on this poverty. As soon as one questions the structures of poverty, whether they are governments or multinational corporations, you are no longer seen as magnanimously helping the poor. Rather, you are seen as trying to start a riot. And in some ways, I guess I am.
“I’ll give thanks for one thing, or person, or event, or challenge of the day…I’d just rather go to sleep grateful instead of anxious.†[41]
I thought this was a great idea when I read it, and so, I tried it. Ii didn’t have a rosary, but I would move my thumb across my finger tips and think of something to be grateful for. I thought about being able to take summer classes, working at a job I enjoy, being able to go to China, all the many people I have met. I found that I would get distracted, or just off topic. I would be thinking about one thing I was grateful for and then think about other aspects of it and then forget that I was supposed to be giving thanks. It’s difficult for me to focus sometimes, especially when I’m lying in bed trying to sleep. Nevertheless, it did keep me calm, and I didn’t get anxious worrying about classes or other future plans. So while I didn’t always stick right to the topic at hand, I did go to sleep grateful instead of anxious. That itself is something to be grateful for.
“As the rector of the University of Central America in San Salvador, Ellacuria believed that the University had to confront the Salvadoran national reality, characterized by the dehumanizing poverty of the majority of the population. The University could not be a sequestered, detached haven from society; rather the University’s center of attention ought to be the unjust national reality of misery for millions of Salvadorans.†[106]
If only every University took this approach to how they interact with the community! Whether in a small town or major metropolis, US universities always seem in a world of their own. We all know about the dreaded SLY “bubble.†At this point, I would imagine even Biondi is familiar with the phrase. And while SLU does do things to help St. Louis, it is clearly not the center of attention. And at a Jesuit University of all places, it really should be. Instead of a new sports arena, imagine if we put all that money into redevelopment projects for North City. I mean, think of it, it seems too crazy to comprehend. And yet, sadly, as long as this idea remains so far fetched, and as long as we continue to fail to realize the immense positive impact SLU can make, the SLU bubble shall live on, and so, too, shall the plight of North City., Our destinies are interlinked.
“We also came to learn that to be in solidarity with the poor we didn’t have to give up everything or stop being who we were. I’ll always be middle-class, even if I lower my salary. We’re middle-class by the very way we understand society, our level of education, our access to persons and power. We can’t deny our own history!†[141]
I appreciated this insight on how being middle-class is something we will always be no matter how much we change our lifestyles. I have met young people who, I feel, try too hard to deny the privilege of being middle class, I feel, out of guilt. Example: A friend of mine asked another where she got her dress. She, in shame, responded target. Why so ashamed? I’m middleclass, and target is where I shop. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Excess is selfish and unhealthy, but we should be grateful for the wealth that allows us to buy the clothes, books, cds, and cars we like. Embrace middle class with open arms, for as they say, you must love yourself before you can learn to help others.
“All men on stage, in robes and hats and crowns, their time had come. We can do the warm up, but the youth, women, blacks and Hispanics become spectators to the spectacle of the male. To be part of this multicultural worshipping community is a joy, but who and what are we worshipping? It is so top heavy, so male, such a pyramid. This is our church. Not amen.†[210]
When I was Catholic, I too had great qualms with the power structure of the Church. Going to an all girls high school, it sometimes seemed the only role model we had for women in the Church were pious nuns praying in a tucked away convent somewhere. I remember the pope coming to Saint Louis and it really did seem he was being worshipped at times. The Church is diverse and multi-cultural, why does the leadership not represent this? Don’t even get me going about women and the priesthood. The community and unity of the Church is a great thing, but there were often times I was ready to do away with the entire formal structure of the Church. I wasn’t much interested in being a nun anyway.
“Look, I believe the essential thing in life is dignity. The only important thing you can lose is your dignity. Ultimately, nothing in human life beyond human dignity is truly impotent. But if you lose your dignity, you cease to exist. You are finished. You die.†[228]
I was struck by this passage because it was very reflective of the beliefs I hold now. Religion is always a confusing thing with me, but the one thing I firmly believe in is human dignity. Human dignity is the part of us that is eternal. Like Salgado, I feel this is the most important thing in life to remember. If we recognize that each individual contains something greater than anything we can begin to understand, we can realize to respect and love each person. And also like Salgado, I believe to lose dignity is to lose everything. That is why acting in a way that disregards a person’s dignity is such an atrocious thing to me. Now, what this suggests about god and his existence, I’m not always too sure, but I remain firm in my belief in human dignity.
“Her pleading face when she looks at you with a message trapped inside sticks inside my mind; the hand or arm motion which means to her something real, but to us is meaningless and has no context to let us guess; Mev holding up two fingers to mean that she wants to say two things, not that what she has to say has anything to do with “two.†Like charades, of course.†[287]
I was trying to imagine what it is like to be unable to express yourself to others. I was reminded of times when I have presented bills in the student government. After the questioning period, the senators begin debate, and not being a senator, I cannot speak. I can hear the senators misinterpreting my words or making inaccurate assumptions, but I can’t say a thing. It’s unbelievingly frustrating. However, when it’s all over, I can calla friend and let it all out. But Mev felt this way day after day never able to let it all out. How she remained not only sane but upbeat is an anomaly to me. The human spirit, and Mev’s especially, is an amazing mystery.
“You never get over anything, you just get through it—once you surrender to the fact that you can’t get over it, you’re already through it.†[339]
This quote gave me quite a bit of clarity. As I was reading of Mev’s funeral and dealing with grief I was flashing back to my friend Kimmie’s death and funeral. She died when we were sixteen and she at least died quickly. However, the shock of losing sometime so suddenly left me in a dazed, almost surreal state of grief for many days and reality was never quite the same when I returned. As I was reading about your grief and remembering my own, tears started to run down my face. I told myself that I shouldn’t cry, it’s been four years, I thought I had been able to move on. I forced myself to read again and was met with this quote. I wiped my face, kept reading, and realized that I just have to keep moving forward. There will be more tears, but I will keep moving forward.
