Reader Responses

by Danielle Charles

I usually don’t write reviews, because I think that people should experience a book for themselves, and I’m always afraid that I won’t do the book “justice” if I write something! What moves me may not move you, or I may miss something or say the wrong thing. But I have been challenged by this book to come out of my own comfort zone and speak.

I knew Mev before she was a liberation theologian. We went to school together-she was my “big sister” in high school. And we did all those things that high school girls would do: went to parties, shopping at the mall, talked on the phone, fell in and out of love 100 times a day…

But even then, there was something different. We also prayed together, we talked a lot about God and what He could be calling us to be, and how would or could we respond to that call.

In The Book of Mev, Mark Chimel has, more than anything else, captured that spirit of Mev-a woman who was just as on fire for God as for a great movie! It would have been very easy to write a book about a wonderful woman who did a great work in the short amount of time we were blessed to have her among us on the earth. Yet Mark delves deep under the surface, to show the beauty and the struggles, the joys and the pains, the breakthroughs and the frustrations, of living, loving, and journeying with this woman. And, lest we begin to think that it really is just a love story between two people, Mark effectively places their personal story in the midst of the world’s struggles.

This book is an invitation to enter into the lives of two people as they try to “Find God in all things”–the good and the not so good. But more importantly, this book is an invitation to embrace God in yourself-and to listen for the voice that is calling you to respond. We are not all called to be liberation theologians-but we are all indeed called. Maybe in reading Mev’s journey, you will find the strength and courage to travel the road before you.

Danielle is Campus Minister at McKendree College in Illinois.

by Rev. Jim Flynn
St. Mary’s Church
Park City, UT

I found THE BOOK OF MEV a profound testimony of the dedication of a young woman to the cause of justice and peace. Mark’s detailing of her deep concern for the poorest of our neighbors is so very engaging. I began reading this on a long plane ride, and it kept me so engaged that I didn’t want to fall asleep. I recommend it not just as a well written story of love (for the lowliest of “others” and for Mark) but as an opportunity challenging every reader to deepen one’s own concern for justice and peace.

Sunday 16 September 2007

My friend Kelsey Tinkum forwaded to me the following reflection written by her good friend Chris Luther….

I read two books during my time in silence: Mountains Beyond Mountains and The Book of Mev. Mountains was a very good book about a doctor named Paul Farmer who worked tirelessly for the poor in Haiti and eventually elsewhere in the world. Mev is a book written by Mark Chmiel about his wife Mev Puleo and their relationship and life’s work. Mev died in her early 30′s from the same type of brain tumor that took my mom’s life, but not before living a rich life of working with and for the poor as a photojournalist and activist. Words can’t describe how moving the book was for me.

[About] Mev’s cancer:Lots of tears, lots of understanding, lots of memories. My Mom lasted four months after diagnosis. She had exactly the same cancer in exactly the same place in the brain. But her symptoms appeared more slowly than those of Mev. And her decline was much faster. There was no talk of beating the cancer, of living a high quality of life for as long as possible. I prayed that the end would come quickly, that Mom’s suffering would end. I was so alone those four months. So alone. I had help from a few people, but I held my Mom through seizures and bed wetting by myself all too often. I sat alone with her in her bedroom or hospital room all too often. We didn’t have dozens of people helping and supporting like Mark did. I was so happy for him as I was reading. The support they had from Mev’s parents. I didn’t have any of that. They were too afraid, ashamed to come, except for one short visit where my Grandma practically ran out of the bedroom after just a few minutes. I had a caregiver who did a lot of the messy work, but I had to be responsible for everything by myself. So alone.

It’s both inspiring and difficult to read the lives of extraordinary people. Difficult because it’s very hard for me to let God have control of my gifts and talents, to let him determine how they are to be used, to accept that I will probably never have a book written about me. Not that I want honors and accolades. Far from it. I want to make a difference, and unlike God, I can’t see what’s around the next corner. I don’t easily trust that my life, lived simply and according to God’s loving will for me, matters to others. I hope to grow in this area.

Sunday 16 September 2007

Hello,

My name is Elizabeth Looney. You don’t know me, exactly, but I saw your name through a mutual friend (Collette Hellenkamp), and wanted to let you know that I really enjoyed The Book of Mev.

I worked on staff last year in El Salvador with the Casa de la Solidaridad study abroad program (which is how I know Collette,) and especially enjoyed reading the book while I was there in that context.

I’ve been thinking these past few days about how I found Mev’s story inspiring, and what I came up with was this:

I liked the balance Mev struck between being an extroverted go-getter, and being humble. In my mind, the two were always mutually exclusive of one another. I found it hard to reconcile those two qualities in a single personality, as if being humble meant being quiet all the time!

On the back of The Struggle is One in Mev’s photo her hair is sort of all over the place, her smile is earnest, and it looks as if that (being recognition) was really one of the last things she thought about that day. To me, especially as a woman, that is humble.

Yet you wrote in your memoir that Mev could often be found “among the movers and the shakers” — like the Pope, and Gustavo Gutierrez, for example!– which tells me that she not afraid to use her voice. She went after things, put herself out there and was heard.

On reflection, I thought it really beautiful how she embodied those two assets: humility and extroversion. Her example solves a dilemma I had about how to be in the world (or at least shows it is possible). To draw from a Maryanne Williamson poem, it gives me permission to do the same.

As I’m sure many people have, I found Mev’s story really inspiring, and the courage I imagine it must have taken to publish it. In short, I just wanted to say thanks.

Sincerely,

Elizabeth Looney

Elizabeth graduated from the University of San Francisco in 2006 and is now pursuing an M.A. program in Community Social Psychology at the University of Massachusetts.

Saturday 15 September 2007

by Margaret Nuzzolese

Dear Marko (definitely my favourite of the nicknames),

“I knew it was coming, I just kept putting it off.”

I´ve been trying to collect my thoughts and feelings to express to you for about 7 weeks now. Although, my lack of “right words” will hardly demonstrate that. My name is Margaret Nuzzolese and I am currently living in Nicaragua with Jesuit Volunteers International. I finished The Book of Mev, and well, since your email address is in the back, I just had to email you. James Meinert, who I would certainly nominated as The Book of Mev‘s Best Advertiser, recommended that I read it, and after hearing anecdotes about your class, and spending lots of time with the SLU women presently on the trip, I have finally stirred up the humility to just write you…

I think your book is absolutely extraordinary. Extra, beyond all things, ordinary. I think it is a most fascinating account of such an authentic and holy love. A passionate, self-giving love that so many in this world DREAM about experiencing. I was amazed by your sheer vulnerability to express some of the most personal stories of your life. Moments of such life-giving joy, and heart-wrenching sorrow. Mev and Mark, inside and out. What a gift it was to meet you and Mev through your story and to be so inspired. By love and by faith. By such passion for social justice, for speaking out, and speaking from within. By your sense of community, what was shared and what continues to be shared. Truly, Mark, your book and thus, this part of your life, have grasped my heart in a way that no other book has.

It could have to do with my place in life right now. After time in El Salvador, I now live in Nicaragua. I spent all of Tuesday morning connected to Mev, taking the SLU ladies around my work site. I’ve been hearing sensational stories of St. Louis and Karen House. I’ve been encouraged to read some Living Buddha, Living Christ. I studied at Boston College and just loved hearing about the adventures in Cambridge. I’m not a photo journalist, I don’t know what Jon Sobrino would tell me, but I completely identified. I can’t really put my finger on why. For me, it was just totally about love. And I’m just a really big fan of that!

So I want to thank you. For letting me, and so many others, into your lives in this gorgeous way. From the collection of Mev’s journal, to your love letters, and deepest most honest thoughts, to the readings of what was going on elsewhere, much of which has deepened my motivation to learn more of the Elsewhere in the Worlds. The quotes, the dialogues, the faces. Thank you for everything you went through, which I imagine included moments of great pain and sadness, to write The Book of Mev. To recall those conversations, those memories and to share them as a testimony. A tremendous testimony to the marvels of Mev Puleo, to you, to you both as a couple, to the struggle that IS one, and to God, really. What a blessed experience it has been, having this Book be a part of my life.

I hope you are still very much in love with your life.

In amazement and admiration,

Margaret

http://margienuzz.blogspot.com/

Sunday 9 September 2007

Leah took Social Justiced in summer 2007.

“to savor the present moment, instead of getting fixated on one of my colossal mistakes in the past or being allured by some fantasy in the future.” (p21)
And “what I’ve done today was significant…I most want to be present to the moment. The most important time is now.” (p95)

One of the reasons I love the Latin American Culture is because they are so focused on the present time. I feel that our culture in America is focused on the future, how we are going to be successful. As I think it is sometimes important to keep the future in mind, I feel it is ease to forget what is going on around us. What is happening right now?

Interview with Gustavo (p31-34)

This entire interview puts my thoughts into words. Gustavo explains ‘innocent suffering’ as one who suffers a situation that she doesn’t deserve. There are many cases of innocent suffering in the world and that is what I want to help change. I want to abolish innocent suffering. As that may be an idealistic view, I think it is still important to get rid of some of the innocent suffering. He talks about consumerism and how we are a country constantly trying to get skinnier while other countries are trying to fatter. It’s ironic that people can live their lives with exact opposite intentions. It’s not fair. I like how Gustavo want the solidarity of the people in America. With solidarity, we can all help change the world together. It’s a high expectation, but we need to start small and grow.

“So few North American professors and programs seemed to have any awareness of the plight of world’s majority of poor people.” (p54)

This lines sticks with me because it is complete bull shit that we are the richest country and we live rich. We make people poorer so we can get richer. Honestly, I have been unaware to many of the injustices and the amount of poor people in the world until I went to El Salvador and then took this class. I always knew there was poor, but I never knew to what extent. As a culture, most North Americans are ignorant to the poor in the world. It is important for our teachers to tell us. We shouldn’t have to take a social justice class to learn about the suffering in the world. Our media should tell us, our teachers should tell us, it should be known by all. We are lucky that we have the opportunity to change the world without worrying about our lives. We need to use this opportunity and help those who are less fortunate than us.

“Ultimately, I believe we are most daunted by the mystery, the question, the possibility: “It could be us.” Through my own photography I strive to bridge the distant worlds of our small globe. I contemplate the mystery: It is us.”

It is easy to forget about the poor and the people who are constantly suffering, but when I realize that these people are equal to me, it makes me wonder why I am not in their situation. It is so unfair. It sometimes makes me angry. That’s why I think we, as a country, need to do something to fix this. Everyone should get an equal chance. How is it that some people struggle to survive and other people have everything given to them? I feel that if it was blood family that was suffering, people would be more willing to help them out, but to me, these people are our family. I don’t understand why more people don’t want to help these people.

“Mev had once emphasized the heroism of these nobodies struggling to build the Kingdom of God against great odds.” (p96)

This is how I felt in El Salvador. I met people in Ellacuria trying to fight the government to not mine next to their town. I felt the people in Ellacuria had no chance to change the minds of the government, but they still tried their hardest. It’s people like that who I can see the heroism in. They have so little but they are still so hopeful and struggle to build up their Kingdom.

“There is a word in Buddhism that means ‘wishlessness’ or ‘aimlessness.’ The idea is that you do not put something in front of you and run after it, because everything is already here, in yourself. While we practice walking meditation, we do not try to arrive anywhere. We only make peaceful, happy steps. If we keep thinking of the future, of what we want to realize, we will lose our steps…Don’t just do something, sit there” (p99)

As talked about in class, it is easy to pass by the beauty. It is important to recognize what is around us whether it is the trees and sun or it is the people around us. It kind of goes along with living in the present. We should enjoy what we have around us. This can help keep a positive attitude and build energy to change the world.

“There’s a poverty in every human life.
When we’re aware of our limits, we’re more open to change and conversion.
If our limits are at the individual level, like alcoholism or alienation, our awareness can provoke a change so that we can grow beyond this.
Here in Brazil, our limits are very much at the social level—hunger, homelessness. We struggle to become aware and change these things, but sometimes after engaging in a long social struggle, we realize that nothing grew inside of us. Maybe in the US your limits are more at the personal level. But sometimes when you are struggling individually, you realize that you have to address the social dimension to arrive at the personal dimension.
Without integration of the personal and the social, we won’t be full persons.
We may start at different points, but we arrive together.
The struggle is one.” (p139)

I don’t really know what to say about this. It has so much meaning, but also confuses me. I have never heard anyone consider the different kinds of poverty. If we all have poverty, than we can all struggle abolish our poverties together. I love the last line, the struggle is one. We need to work together as a human race to get rid of our poverties.

“People were saying that it was a sin to wear make-up and short skirts, yet so many people around us were illiterate, dying without medical care, dying of hunger! No one said this was a sin!—Toinha Lima Barros” (p141)

What kind of world to we live in where the length of a skirt is more important than the dying. I remember when we had rules for length of skirts in high school and in grade school we could not wear make-up. I am not saying we should get rid of these rules in my grade school or high school, I just don’t understand why we aren’t worrying about the people who don’t even have a choice to wear make-up or decided what length skirt they wear. Many people are dying everyday because they are malnourished and we are worrying about the make-up our children wear. It makes no sense to me.

When Mev asks Ann Manganaro “Having worked among the poor and homeless in St. Louis, what differences do you see in the work in the U.S. and El Salvador?”

When reading this, I felt Ann took my the words from my mouth. I experienced the exact same feelings in El Salvador. My two words I use to describe the people in El Salvador are the hopefulness and their sense of community. She also uses both. The people want a change. They are currently trying to change their lives for the better while helping out those around them. I was uplifted when I felt this. I never wanted to help them more. I sometimes wish my mom could understand this because if she could, maybe she would be OK with me working with the poor in El Salvador.

“With her help, I finally decided that stacking up the pillows from our couch and whacking them with a big long piece of wood would help me express my anger. Kit made a great sound—SMACK!”(p260-261)

I smiled when I read this line. When I was young, my mom taught my brother and I to do this exact same thing. It is a nonviolent way to be violent and it feels so good.

The Book of Mev was definitely my favorite book we read in this class. However, when writing this paper, I realized how pissed off I became when I wrote. I just don’t understand how people are suffering all around us but most people don’t even care even when they do hear the stories. How can we live like this being so greedy? All we want is more wealth. I even feel greedy. I have everything I could ever want. The way I deal with it is that I am getting a great education so I can help change the lives of others and furthermore change the world. This class has deepened my inspirations for El Salvador.
Before I went to El Salvador, I wanted to be a nurse in oncology. I have been on the Relay For Life committee the past 3 years and I feel that cancer is cruel and unfair. Reading the last part of this book really touched me. It is so hard to see what Mev and Mark had to go through. This is another case of ‘innocent suffering.’ No one deserves cancer. As I have become more passionate about a different type of ‘innocent suffering,’ I am still very zealous of cancer patients and what they have to go through.

Sunday 9 September 2007

Matthew Mourning sent me this email last April while he was finishing up Social Justice. This evening we chatted on the phone and he is having an intense, eye-opening time in graduate school in New Orleans.

Dear Dr. Chmiel:

I struggle to find words to talk of how profoundly The Book of Mev has affected me. In truth, I had not read it–save for the parts discussed in class–until just about an hour ago when I turned the last page, mere hours after I first checked it out from the library.

I wanted to thank you for letting me in on the gift that Mev was, is, to you. Never before has something so deeply personal been shared with me. I honestly feel the pain of her loss so nearly; her story has made me contemplate deeply about the future direction of my own life, my own mission.

I feel stupid, fatalistic, and undedicated now when I suggest that my dream trip to Rio’s favelas is doomed to my pocketbook’s backburner.

I now feel limited, discriminatory, myopic when my heart overflows for American poverty only. Ah, yes, contingency.

I feel a foolish and passive dreamer with my tireless cause for America’s cities, and particularly St. Louis, for which I have not displayed even a comparative shrivel of the fortitude, perseverance, and drive that Mev did with all of her undertakings.

Worst of all, I feel a depression setting on for all the missed opportunities in my life to have loved myself, to have challenged myself, to have pushed myself. Of course, Mev’s story should not leave one solely depressed, but her strength (and yours) seem an impossible standard to live up to for someone who has lived as sheltered and as pessimistic a life as I.

There is no true purpose of this correspondence. It is logic-less. It is just the flow of a mind dizzy and weary. I just feel so shiftless right now, swept up in the upcoming transition in my life–and The Book of Mev helped me put things into perspective.

There is so much more to say about this beautiful work. I feel as if, having read it, we’re lifelong friends–thus the random and spontaneous email. The suffering and the hope in it seem so palpable to me for some reason. Maybe we shall save further discussion for some Coffee Cartel chats. I sure hope so. Thanks for inviting me into yours and Mev’s life.

Sincerely,

Matthew Mourning

by Dan Castillo

Mark,

Thank you for your book. It was very human and beautiful. Your and Mev’s struggles with faith, with learning to love each other, and with solidarity with the poor resonated deeply with me. I found myself both consoled and challenged. It has given me much to think about. One particular theme that stood out for me was encapsulated in a Clodovis Boff quote from his interview with Mev; he said something to the effect of “You need to enjoy the beautiful things in life. Now I drink tea and practice yoga. A few years ago I would have considered those things so bourgeois. But they really are good!” Throughout your book, it’s clear that you and Mev struggled not only to live in solidarity with the poor but also to enjoy the beauty and good in this world. This was good for me to read. I’m glad that Mev loved ice cream! I’m glad that you got your PhD! I struggle with this greatly, as I’m sure everyone who is conscientized does to some degree. For me, I’m findng that this struggle is rooted in my not knowing who I am or to Whom I belong nearly well enough. As a result, I tend to want to reject anything that is good so that I can live in poverty and be the “best catholic worker” or Christian, or whatever. But I’ve found that it can be largely just a show to prove to others that I’m “good.” What a silly way to live! I often think of Paul words in 1 Cor. 13 about “giving up his body to be burned and gaining nothing.” I do hope to be able to live more in solidarity with the poor. But I’m finding that if it’s not rooted in love then it can be simply a self serving and impotent solidarity. The inner pagoda that Thicht Nhat Hahn tells Dan Berrigan we all need to build if we are to protect anything in this world needs some work in my being.

Anyway I hope that that made some sense, I find myself wanting to make three clarifying statements to every sentence I just wrote but that would take far too long. The bottomline is that I am gratetful for the extent that you have been able to enjoy the beauty in life and for Mev’s capacity for joy as well. I know that sometimes joy can be a struggle in this world. But it is so very important. Graditude is such a necessity! Thank you for sharing some of joy and pain of your life with Mev. I feel honored to have read the book.

Dan is a former community member of Karen House and is currently a graduate student at the Washington Theological Union in Washington, DC. He and his wife Erika just returned from a month’s honeymoon in Spain.

by Sara Bronder

Questions I Would Ask Mev Puleo…what wouldn’t I ask? How did you become so profound, honest, REAL, charismatic, beautiful, determined, broken, desirable, human in just 24 years? What was it like to leave it all behind at 32 years? How did you allow yourself to fall in love so deeply with someone? To trust someone so intensely that you could write such fantastic and challenging and down right raw words in a letter to that person? How did you make words come alive on a page? How did you make people and places come alive through black and white photographs? How did you live in this world as a Christian woman who had desires, dreams, goals, great ambition, yet not lose that sense of purity? Where did you learn such boldness? Where did your bravery come from? Were you scared? Did you ever think like I do? Think about stupid things like boys and frizzy hair and your pores and cup size? How did you create such an amazing person out of yourself? How did/do you make people fall in love with you through the pages of a required reading? What defined you? What was your best moment? Who taught you to love? Where did your incredible faith come from and how did you sustain it?

Sara studied Social Justice in fall 2006 and is studying nursing at Saint Louis University.

Sara Brabec

Dear Mark,

Your email was such a nice surprise! I¹m sorry for the delay in getting back to you. I work during the day and I¹ve been trying to finish up a paper for a class I just finished.

Thank you for taking the time to track me down, although I apologize for the difficulty…that was not at all my intent in writing you. I had just finished reading an email from a friend (actually, I think you know Rachael Hoffman) suggesting that I re-read a section from The Book of Mev and then I had an email from you! What a great coincidence.

What do I love most about Creighton? It might be somewhat cliché, but I love the people there. People at Creighton care about each other and challenge each other. That’s probably not true of everyone, but it is of the people I’ve been able to get to know.

What makes me come alive? I love journaling and being with people, not “with” in the sense that I’m in a room with someone, but in the sense that I’m really present and open to others. I enjoy writing and journaling because I seem to be able to get my thoughts out best when I put them on paper. My good friends and I have started this habit of exchanging journals and reading each other’s. It’s very scary and liberating at the same time.

I just got back from a class/immersion in El Salvador where I did the same thing with two of my classmates. Being in El Salvador made me come even more alive than I knew I could be. I’m still reflecting on and processing the experience. I was in Guarjila and the community there is just unbelievable. It’s so welcoming and nurturing. It was a sacramental trip. Right now I would like to go back to volunteer/accompany the people for a year or two after I graduate.

Again, thank you for your email. It really brightened my day. I’m in New Orleans right now and I had been having a rough couple of days. I don’t generally mind being alone, but my experiences here (coupled with the fact that I came here right after getting back from El Salvador) have me feeling a little overwhelmed and lonely. Rachael had emailed me suggesting that I reread the part of The Book of Mev from when Mev came back to the US early after being in Brazil because I’m going home earlier than I had been planning. So your email was perfectly timed in reaching me.

I, too, hope that we can talk more in the future.

Peace,

Sara

Sara Brabec is a student at Creighton University in Omamha.

Hope Stephenson studied in Social Justice in spring 2007. She graced the class with strong readings from her notebook. The following are some of her reflections on passages from The Book of Mev.

1. Prologue/ Writing I

I remember when I began to read this book. I thought that my professor had just written a biography about some Latin American female activist – probably whom he had never met. I was so shocked to discover that Mev was his wife, an alumna from Saint Louis University, and had tragically passed away from brain cancer in January 1996. As I read I felt my throat stiffen and my eyes moisten as I read about Mev’s mother knitting her daughter’s shroud. I closed the book and cried for a good fifteen minutes. I can distinctly remember by grandmother standing in the hospital room while her daughter lay on her death bed saying through a waterfall of tears, “No mother should have to watch her child die.” So many similar memories flooded back…Mom’s death, the grief and utter sadness from which there seemed to be no end, watching the cancer take over her body while you stand helpless, the eulogy, the funeral and visitations, and the surreal bewilderment of it all. Although I knew this book was going to be an emotional read, I desired to read it all the same. I felt so connected to Dr. Chmiel because of what he had been through and that he was courageous enough to put it all down on paper. I could hardly put the book down once I got the preliminary tears out that would sneak up on me occasionally throughout the pages.

2. Gratitudes/I

I am amazed by Mev’s religious zeal. Her awareness of the gift of life and what it brings to us every day of our lives is inspiring. I wish I would spend as much time reflecting on all of the wonderful things that God has done in my life. It seems to be the best cure for depression. Mev was also so catholic. There are many things about the Catholic Church that I find to be ridiculous and backwards. However, having insight into Mev’s spiritual life gives me a new appreciation for Catholicism and what it does bring to some people. She was so passionate about liberation theology that it made me seek out information on the subject. I hope to read more about it, including Mev’s book, The Struggle is One.

3. Prayer/2

What a rare and precious gift it is to have Mev’s journals. My mom kept a few journals, although she got out of the habit once she had children to look after. When I see her handwriting and read her thoughts, feelings, emotions, dreams, uncertainties, secrets, worries, hardships, loves, tragedies, etc. I feel as if I am seeing her through a mandorla, a rip in time and space allowing me to spend time with my Mom. I feel better– knowing that she was not perfect. The person she was when she was first married and who she was with three kids were very different. I feel this same comfort from Mev’s journal entry here. I feel as if I know her just by reading her writing. She was not perfect and she struggled in her relationship with God, just as we all do. Chapters like this make the book aptly named. This is not a Book about Mev, it’s the Book of Mev.

4. The Gospel According to Ann (The Human Form Divine/3)

Mev was so caring and passionate about service and social justice. Her interviews are so enlightening. Ann Manganaro was the same. The story she had about the horrors of living in a war zone in El Salvador was so sad and terrifying. Massacres, refugees, battles, gun-shots, civilians killed, etc. are all nightmares going on “meanwhile, elsewhere in the world.” Ann worried about “loosing her human vulnerability” and becoming aloof. Her dedication to living life among the poor and experiencing tragedy as a result shows how she takes God’s love to heart and had such strong faith (although she had struggled with it at times.) Ann lived a hard life in El Salvador but the courage and conviction she had provided her with hope, love, and sense of God in the world. She said, “I know God is trusting that if I keep trying to give my life for others, that somehow God is being born in that.” She inspires me to serve more, live out my faith more directly, and know that God is present.

5. Facing the Facts/2

I don’t know how I got through this chapter. It must have taken me 30 minutes to read it. I see so much of my Mom’s struggle in Mev’s. I read her words and is sounds like my Mom is saying them. Did my Mom ever want to Smack a pillow? Did she feel the same anger, pain, fear, abandonment, frustration, terror, joy, and solitude? I think she did. This chapter was so powerful to me. How are we supposed to face death when we can see it only a few yards in front of us? How did my Mom go on knowing that the end was so near? Why didn’t she tell us? Why couldn’t she tell us? I feel the same frustration. How do you sort out all of the feelings? So many questions. Mev was so real. My Mom never let me see her truly. To me, she was not real like Mev was. She hid her true self from me and it makes me angry. She couldn’t even tell me the truth about how sick she was. I know she tried to protect me, but I found out on a Thursday night that she would not live through the weekend. SMACK! Only I am the pillow. It beat the shit out of me. How elusive the joy is – when it comes. I suppose it is a saving grace. I am so in tune with this book it is frightening. The mere exposure of Mark and Mev’s souls feels like mine is being dragged out and left standing in the rain uncovered.

6. God/3

This also reminds me of my Mom. She never told us how sick she was, only my Dad knew. Maybe this gave her the ability to think, “Why not me?” She never complained, not once. She was tired, bald, everything she ate tasted like metal (a result of the chemo), burned, deformed, pale, and poked with countless needles, and so much more. Through it all, she never complained. Mev was so conscious of life and how it was lived not only in America, but in Haiti, El Salvador, and Brazil. She was so aware of everyone else’s suffering that hers did not matter as much. I never asked “How could God let this happen? Why her?” I guess my faith was stronger. Maybe I am confident in His divine providence. I feel that God knows what is best and that things happen for reasons that we cannot see. Mev might have felt the same way.

7. Sitting/2

Don’t think about the future. I could read this chapter every day of my life and it sill won’t sink in. Maybe it is because I am in College and we’re always looking forward. I am in the middle of this semester and I’m already excited about what classes I’ll take in the fall – I need to enjoy the classes I have now! How often do I loose precious moments by ignoring them for the unknown future? How much of my life to I miss? When I try to sit and meditate or reflect, I find myself thinking about all of the things I have to do. Rarely to I sit still in solitude and live out the meaning of a gatha. I sometimes live by the mantra, “Don’t just sit there, do something!” I often feel guilty when I don’t get things done. Nhat Hanh says that if we take time to stop and think, we’ll see more clearly. I wish I could see more clearly – I have so many doubts and curiosities. Happiness is attainable now – I must practice this!

8. Lamentation

How much courage it took Dr. Chmiel to write this! I have been there…the uncontrollable loss of self. All my reactions were involuntary. I could have drowned in my tears, but they would not stop. I was all alone and no angel could provide solace. I was 18 and I would never see my Mom again. I have also swum in the muck and mud of reality and cried myself to sleep. When I called people upset, they all said, “You know Mom would not want you to be so upset.” How the fuck was that supposed to help?! If only someone had recognized my grief and said, “There is just no comfort for you tonight.” I was justified in my sadness and everyone just seemed to tell me that I was overreacting. I am so thankful for this book and for the experiences that Dr. Chmiel has shared with me. There is no comfort sometimes. Finally, affirmation!

Lauren took Social Justice at SLU in the fall of 2006; she will be a first year student at SLU’s Medical School beginning August 2007.

1. Seeing the World/2 p. 59-60
“Like Sontag and Beseda, many of us are tempted to be intolerant of the ambiguity and intimidated by the risks of photography and other art forms. Ultimately, I believe we are most daunted by the mystery, the question, the possibility: ‘It could be us.’ Through my own photography I strive to bridge the distant worlds of our small globe. I contemplate the mystery: It is us.”

Mev really has a way of packing a lot of powerful meaning into a succinct statement. I think that things like photography, and film, and books are really important means of bridging the gaps. I was thinking about how she takes the extra step from saying it could be us to it is us. That is difficult for me to wrap my head around, but when I think about it it really feels true. All of these thoughts flood my head, snippets of things I’ve read or noticed in the past, that would sound incoherent if I put them into words. I don’t know, it almost seems spiritual, but I have shied away from thoughts of spirituality recently. I really love the ideals that Jesus taught, but I don’t know how to use or believe in God and religion to back them up. They seem true, and they are based on faith in God and Jesus, but I feel more inclined to revere Nature than God. I just don’t know about God.

2. Life Without Mozart p. 80-81
“here in bairro liberade / the armpit of brazil / a swamp of discomfort and desolation / i think of the poster on randy’s door: / ‘life without mozart’ / (drawing of a wasteland) // this is the wasteland: / desolate poverty / life without beauty, life without bread // the poor live without mozart / no ability, energy, books to read / thirst chokes the song in their throats // i’ve tasted the absence of bread / and the absence of mozart / not knowing which is more deadly // today life without bread / deafens my ear for mozart / deadens my capacity to care / kills my hunger for bread […]”

This poem of Mev’s really moved me. While reading, I was always struck by her knack for expression. In her journal and her letters, she really was able to capture moments. It reminded me a bit of Gerard Manley Hopkins and his expressions of the instress of his subjects. I think that is a really unique skill, to make a moment or an object really come alive to the reader with words. This poem really draws my attention to the things that I take for granted, like bread and Mozart. I have so much in my life which my appreciation for can go unremembered at times. I get to spend so much of my time reading books I love, and if I’m hungry, I just hop over to the kitchen or a coffee shop or something and I’m satisfied. I would be dissatisfied if I could not read, but it seems so trivial compared to the immediate concerns for which people suffer. I also think of the search for beauty in such circumstances. I read a really good book, On Beauty by Zadie Smith that dealt with that topic. Also, I am in no way a hip hop, rap fan, I really don’t like it at all, but my brother was obsessed with it for a long time, particularly Tupac Shakur. He obviously grew up in an urban setting in the U. S., facing violence and discrimination and the like. I flipped through a book of his poetry once, and I barely remember anything, but one of the more famous images he talked about was a rose growing out of concrete. It seems to add to these issues.

3. A School/1 (Dissidents/2, Remembering the Dead/2) p. 108
“[…] Ellacuria once offered a spiritual exercise for the present age of atrocity that called people of good will to struggle so that others can experience a more abundant life: ‘I want you to set your eyes and your hearts on these people who are suffering so much – some from poverty and hunger, others from oppression and repression. Then (since I am a Jesuit), standing before this people thus crucified you must repeat St. Ignatius’ examination from the first week of the [Spiritual] Exercises. Ask yourselves: What have I done to crucify them? What do I do to uncrucify them? What must I do for this people to rise again?’”

When you think about it, it is overwhelming the amount of people, and animals, that suffer to provide us here in the “first world” with a comfortable, affordable, and excessive lifestyle. The structure of it all makes it difficult even to avoid stepping on others. Almost everything to buy, clothes, animal products, is at the expense of someone’s suffering. Our society also makes it very easy to ignore this suffering. It all happens far from most of our visions. We cannot see the deplorable conditions upon which the people who make our clothes live, or the chickens from which we get eggs. I’ve been reading a lot of Ursula K. Le Guin for my science fiction class and it reminds of her short story “The Ones who Walk Away from Omelas.” In this story, the near perfect happiness and peace of a society depends on the extreme suffering of one child that all the people know about. No one ever tries to save the child, most just end up ignoring him, but some cannot stand it and walk away. She writes another story based a bit on these ideas called The Dispossessed, kind of based on a society made up of the ones who walk away from Omelas. They form an anarchist society on the moon based on solidarity and mutual aid, without property or money. It explores the ups and downs of such a society, but it is really interesting. So, I try to think about these questions from the Spiritual Exercises in my own way and try to act more conscientiously.

4. The Gospel according to Maria Goreth (Accompaniment/2, The Human Form Divine/2) p. 129
Maria Goreth: “[…] You see, I don’t do this work for pay. In my work, I never think of the future – what I’ll eat or wear tomorrow. Even today, I don’t have fixed employment, but people always find a way to provide. I work for the love of people who suffer, especially children.
“When you work for money alone, love doesn’t exist…”

This feels like the almost total opposite of the prevailing attitude in the U.S. It is all about high paying jobs and planning for the future. Dog eat dog, as they say. I think I would like a world based on work for love and solidarity with humans and nature rather than money. That is how I want my life to be. If I must live in a world of capitalism, I do not want to be a slave to money and property. I do not understand how people think that this is the ideal system. I do not want to judge businessmen who work solely to get money, but I do. I mean most people want to live with some comforts, but the extreme is ridiculous. People actually buy thousand dollar dog collars, for God’s sake. This is all too ridiculous and unconscionable. I admire Maria Goreth and I hope I can even be a little bit like her.

5. The Gospel according to Ann (The Human Form Divine/3) p. 184-185
“Ann: One of the things that worries me – not only in this war situation, but a doctor friend of mine who works with AIDS patients in the U.S., or people who work with the homeless – there’s tendency to lose your human vulnerability and responsiveness for those tragedies and become, not just hardened as in bitter or cynical, but aloof, or your compassion becoming an automatic response where you can be kind, but you are on automatic pilot, not from the heart, because if you let all the tragedy touch you, you might just fall apart. I’ve felt this way from time to time. The other thing that happens is situations where I would automatically in the past feel kindness or a capacity to respond, instead I would feel resentful for the intrusion in my life, and it was hard to find the resources from within with which to respond.
“That’s the challenge when we try to deal with human suffering. My hope is to somehow cast my lot with the poor long-term throughout my life, and if you cast your lot with the poor, that means exposing yourself and opening your heart to a lot of tragedy, a lot of human suffering, a lot of painful experiences that most people shield themselves from. How do you do that long-term? How do you keep your heart vulnerable and genuinely responsive and not just going through the motions?”

There are a lot of things in this particular passage that interest / concern me. I definitely plan on using my medical skills, devoting them, to helping the poor. I have never really experienced the poverty and suffering Ann has, or seen it. Really, my closest experience to feeling the pain has been through books like People’s History and film, and I know this may be a poor substitute for actual experience, but while reading or watching, I really immerse myself into it and empathize. And it does affect me. Learning and thinking about it all has sometimes swept me with overwhelming sadness and despair and dissatisfaction and shame, so I can certainly imagine amplification when I see it all firsthand. I fear my own inadequacies, but right now I feel charged up for it. I’ve spoken about it to people like my pre-med advisor, who agreed with what I wanted to do, but said that the essay I wrote for a program for primary care sounded “radical,” which I really didn’t see. And another advisor told me about a doctor who did what I want to do and got burned out in a few years. I guess right now I will embrace my enthusiasm and conviction, but I recognize the capacity for what Ann talked about and I feel like I can learn from the things she said.

6. A Few Words with the Pope p. 209-213
“All men on stage, in robes and hats and crowns their time had come. We can do the warm up, but the youth, women, blacks, and Hispanics become spectators to the spectacle of the male. To be a part of this multicultural worshipping community is a joy, but who and what are we worshipping? It is so top heavy, so male, such a pyramid. This is our Church. Not amen. […]
“And I was filled with such ambiguity. At times I couldn’t clap, I wanted to go back to my chair. Encouraged to see young people “of faith,” but disturbed that this all goes towards the Pope – knowing what the Vatican has ordered in Brazil, the stands it has taken in Haiti, the exclusiveness and elitism of the structure. And I think, this is too much power. This is too much power for any individual to have. And if an individual has this much power, they should use it to be more prophetic. To denounce and announce.
“[…] This is my church, and I am of this church. I will not relinquish it to “those I disagree with,” nor will I close myself to a respectful dialogue with them. Moreover, I am extremely grateful for all the church has done for me!
“The church is my COMMUNITY – Catholic Worker, SLU, Weston, our prayer communities in Cambridge and Oakland, the Christian Solidarity Project, etc. The hierarchy and Vatican is only one dimension of this church. I am no purist, nor am I pure. The church is not pure, nor am I. Other religions and institutions carry other sins and failings; I do too! I want to work in this church.”

I feel like I totally agree with the first part. Those are the things that really bother me about the Church. Those are some of the things that eventually really turned me off about religion, not that I can blame these things completely. That would be stupid, but they were and are factors that influenced me. I am so impressed by Mev’s faith and continued membership in the Church while also grappling with these inconsistencies. I respect this. It reminds me of Dorothy Day’s membership in the Church. I love the idea of being part of the community in which we all share so many common values and beliefs, but I just do not feel the faith. I sit through mass and I really try to immerse myself, maybe I’m trying too hard or I’m going in with the wrong attitude or something. Instead, I notice horrible little details about the whole process and that is what I mainly see. I am always disappointed with the homilies I hear. I can only remember one homily that really moved me. It was at the only services that really moved me, which was the summer novella at the Carmelite monastery. It is held outside at dusk. But then it is more the beauty of the setting maybe that really moves me, which could be said to be God’s creation, His presence, but I don’t know.

by Lauren Trout

Lauren took Social Justice in spring 2007 and was kind enough to share these journal entries from when she was reading The Book of Mev.

1-30-07 12:21 pm
I’m halfway through The Book of Mev and I’m so EXCITED about all of the parallels I find in my life with Mev’s. I by no means am trying to argue that I am as spiritual, as willing to risk so much, as loving of others, anywhere on the same level as a person. But I can’t explain how good it feels to find out that she went to Pillar, Visitation, SLU- that she came from an upper-middle class family. My dad went to Pillar, I go to SLU- I know these places. It makes her real and it makes me feel like I can still feel a calling towards the marginalized and still have had things handed to me in my past.

I like that this story has faces- this story is almost tangible. I’m amazed at the way she could simply pick up and travel or decide to spend time in Brazil (again, after going through so much). I want to ask which books moved her, which places did she constantly want to return to, which stories never left her, what advice she would have given to a young idealist.

I find so many little similarities about her life and mine, her thoughts and mine-it’s giving me comfort that I’m on the right track. Reading about Mev is both comforting and inspiring. The people, the places I know, her personal relationships make her real rather than just a social justice activist who appears to have simply, always been an activist. This is extremely comforting to me. Reading about Mev’s personal life- her love for chocolate, her love for Dr. Chmiel, her friends- it gives her a past and it gives her humanity. This, to me, is so comforting and inspiring because by leaving her human, rather than placing her on a social justice pedestal, I feel a stronger responsibility to work as an activist. Reading about the little parts of Mev makes me feel ok that I am not perfect, that I don’t have a difficult past, I wasn’t born with a calling to the marginalized and I can still do something for others, in my own little way.

2-11-07 3:01 pm
I finished The Book of Mev. I sat with it for awhile and then went to see all of my friends next door. As they talked about their Saturday night, I just sat there, angry and sad, like they didn’t understand what I had just been through (even though I really hadn’t been through anything. I felt changed- moved like I had gone through some massive event- but I hadn’t.

All I can think of right now is Dr. Chmiel. Does he think about her every other second? Does he miss her today just as much as he did the day she died? How does he sleep in a big bed with no one beside him? How can he stop himself from talking about her constantly? How can he still think our world beautiful after suffering such a loss? Maybe that’s what Mev did for him- made him see beauty despite all of the loss. I hope that I have someone in my life like Mev. No, I hope that I can be a Mev to someone-someone like Marko, and Teka, and Steve, and parents, and marginalized, and idealistic college students who crave change by don’t know how.

How do you lost someone like that and move on? Or do you? Do you ever recover? I am so touched. Touched by Dr. Chmiel’s strength. Touched by Mev’s honesty. Touched by their relationship. Touched by all the people she touched. I wonder if he knows I look at him with eyes that want to understand- eyes that want to listen if understanding isn’t possible. I wonder if she sees me, walking through her Alma Matter, anxious to do something important. Does anyone see me and know? Do people see a girl that wants peace when they look at me? If not, then I’m doing something wrong.

2-17-07 5:42 pm
The Book of Mev moved me more than I could have ever imagined. It literally shook me up- took the ground out from under me. It brought me back to the person I used to be- the person I want to be.
There’s a line I can’t let go of- a line that haunts me: “My life as usual can’t continue when…” I have to be the one to change my ordinary life and stand up for something when X, Y, or Z is happening- when I’m being called to a life for others.

After reading that book, I’m realizing for the first time in my life, I need to be pro-active about my life for others. May I always have “My life as usual can’t continue when…” in the back of my head for the rest of my life.

Lauren is soon to join Volunteers for Peace to work in Uganda summer 2007; she will be studying in the CASA program in San Salvador in the fall of 2007.

Dear Mark,

Happy Easter, and thank you for sharing so directly and honestly in The Book of Mev. I couldn’t put it down, and I am not a reader of books like yourself.

After our Good Friday services, I went to my room for some quiet time to finish what I figured was going to be the story of Mev’s diminishment and suffering. It was. It came so soon after the interview with Sebastio Salgado (also one of my favorite photographers).

I had tears in my eyes for two hours, and I did sob when you shared how you broke down. It brought back so vividly our family’s trauma when my mother was diagnosed with brain cancer and chose not to have the operation. We did home hospice for three months until the final week when she was admitted into one of the first full care hospices in the early eighties in Milwaukee. I too shared our family’s story of how the Spirit worked with us in a photo essay.

After reading your vivid testimony of Mev and your wonderful relationship, I feel like I know Mev and yourself. We have so many friends in common, and of course, are living through so many of the issues in our society and church.

I don’t know whether you would want to get together or not. I would very much like to visit with you.

May the joy of Easter and the resurrection be yours. Thank you for all that you have shared.

Don

Jesuit Father Don Doll is a photographer who is affiliated with Creighton University.

by Lynn Lassalle-Klein

Dear Mark,

I read The Book of Mev last summer while we were in Twain Harte for a summer vacation on the lake. Well, there is no way to sum up all the feelings I experienced. I never really read any of Mev’s stuff (who had to, since I’d hear it from her own mouth!); but I learned so much about her, and her writings, and the stories they conveyed, and what she was about. In a way I got to know her more deeply than I did when you guys were here. And then I learned so much of what your life with Mev was like — all of its phases. The Mark I love really shone through, because your writing rang with truth. Whenever I’ve given talks or retreats, and I start to freak out (“What will I say?”), Bob always tells me to just tell the truth, because people will recognize it as truth, and the truth will speak for itself. And I think your experience, and the feelings you conveyed, will end up being allies for very many people who’ve gone through experiences similar to yours (I plan to share it with a friend who recently lost her husband to a long struggle with MS). So! I don’t mean to get all heavy on you, but thank you for writing that book.

Lynn lives in Alameda, California with her husband Bob and three children Kate, Rosie, and Peter. She and Bob are both graduates of the Graduate Theological Union in Berkeley.

Andrew Kirschman, SJ

How do we mourn? This is the overwhelming question that has stuck with me since reading The Book of Mev by Mark Chmiel. Living freely to embrace all that life throws at us while at the same time not holding on or clinging to what we hold most dear…I wonder if the way we mourn offers us insights into who we are as individuals and as community?

In The Book of Mev, Dr. Chmiel offers various reflections on this theme. The major part of the book focuses on his journey with the woman he fell in love with and gave his life to. And maybe that is the key: falling in love. It opened him to being with his wife in the peak moments as well as in the painful, lonely and heartbreaking moments. In the final chapters of the book Dr. Chmiel writes of his work in justice movements and travels to the Middle East – another expression of what love continues to open and call him towards.

I am touched by the honesty of the book – both in regards to how it expresses who Mev Puleo was as a person as well as who Mark Chmiel, the author and husband, has become. Dorothy Day was noted for saying she did not want to be named a saint because of the distance that title would put between her and the stories of real people. This is a story that brings a human dimension to someone (Mev) who in some circles and over time has grown larger than life.

I am also struck by the way the book speaks of “the struggle is one” – both the title of Mev’s book and an image articulated over and over in the book. In the personal stories relayed in the life of Mev, we hear how Dr. Chmiel, Mev and their families surrounded themselves with good people – people who where willing to just “be with” if and when that was what was needed. This “struggle is one” – one person, a couple, a family, a community – has the power to transcend individuality and move towards capturing universal experiences. This “struggle is one” becomes a struggle that I would like to think all readers can identify with and thus it becomes the struggle of all. It is the struggle for an authentic life of integrity; the struggle of acceptance that life is delicate and yet meant to be lived to the fullest in whatever form that may take; the struggle for connection with humanity; the acknowledgement that we are not alone in this world and that even our suffering can be a way of building solidarity across the globe (isn’t that what Mev’s photography work does?). The “struggle of one” becomes the struggle for all.

The Book of Mev illustrates a person deeply loved – and tragically lost too young. This loss is a loss that must be mourned and mourned well. Dr. Chmiel offers insights into how he lets his heart give so much and despite the hurt, remains open to being broken again. The temptation is to fall into growing cynical or giving in to despair. Jon Sobrino, S.J. writes that despair is the greatest sin because it denies the possibility that God can overcome any obstacle we face. When we do not let the mourning process take place we can easily fall into cynicism and despair. Mourning becomes an important way of remembering, honoring and eventually celebrating the past in the hopes of letting it break open into a freedom to give more fully to others. As the book demonstrates, mourning allows us to use our hurts and losses to bind us more deeply with the sufferings and hurts of our world.

Ignacio Ellacuría, S.J., one of the Jesuit Martyrs from El Salvador raised the question, “who are the crucified people in the world today?” When we identify those on the cross, we are invited to stand at the foot of the cross and work in the process of taking the crucified people down from the cross. There is a level of urgency in the issues our world faces – at the bare minimum we are called to be people of accompaniment. An indication that the mourning process is fulfilled is when we are free to give ourselves to others, in a deeper way – a way that we discover throughout The Book of Mev.

I am grateful for the honesty and humility shared in this story.

Andrew Kirschman, SJ
UCA, San Salvador, El Salvador

by Brendan Kottenstette

This entry, I address to you, Mark. The question that I am left with at the end of it all is how do you do it? Or actually, why do you do it? Why have all of the scores of people I got to know in The Book of Mev given their lives in the pursuit of social justice? I don’t mean why in the sense of what is their cause or their motivation, because that is clear to me. Suffering inspires compassion, and personal connection pushes that compassion to sacrifice. I mean why don’t they give up? What gives them the courage to subvert corrupt authority? How do they face death and allow hope to flourish? What is it in a person that allows them to see humanity even at the core of the darkest evils and drive onward under the banner of justice?

Solidarity is the answer to all the most difficult questions that face someone who would struggle in the cause for justice. To ask for an end to injustice, not just with your voice, but with your whole person, is an invitation to share in the desolation that that suffering has caused. At the core of the struggle for social justice is humanity, and so to not be present to those afflicted is to be an empty warrior. Solidarity is not only the goal in social justice work, it is the means unto itself.

I kept asking myself what your book is about. It took me until about page 150 to even have a clue. While I know the ending, at the time of writing this reflection I have not yet read it, but know from readings in class that the subject is the same while the tone only changes slightly.

The Book of Mev is about life; life inspiring hope in the face of suffering and hope uniting us in a common cause. This is not just about the life of Mev, or of “Mark C. Puelo”, but about the people who form the intricate web of human connection. It is about the web. It is not what you do or what legacy you leave to the world or even how you will be remembered. Life is about the people you touch while you are living. That is why I am convinced that the people presented in The Book of Mev are not honored crusaders in the cause of Justice, but rather are simply examples of people answering the call to live. Live is not only an invitation to live, though, it is a charge and a responsibility which we have been given from our first breath.

To live means risking human contact, which has the power to change you indefinitely because if you truly let others into your life, with their pleasures and their sufferings, then you cannot help but be changed forever because of the imprint that they have left on your soul. Their experiences, once shared with you, become a part of your experiences, and a part of the whole of human experience. This sharing of lives is what human existence is about. For what other purpose are our words?

Here are a few examples of answering the call to life that I have found in The Book of Mev: kissering, Japanese style teatime, camera lenses as mirrors to the soul, bearing witness, accompaniment, embracing the finite, Chomsky’s reply, gratitudes, tithing time, liberation janitors, spiritual warriors, the riches of poverty, community, whacking pillows, powerlessness, breathing in and most importantly “the human form divine.”

The beauty of The Book of Mev is that it makes a parallel between living life and pursuing justice. They are one in the same in this book. There is no choice between a life of happiness and love or of meaningful sacrifice. I am convinced now, Mark, that the only life to live is social justice. As the aboriginal saying goes, “your liberation is bound with mine.” And as Jon Sobrino believes, “we find liberation in the poor.”

Brendan is a junior at SLU, took Social Justice in the fall of 2006, and works with SLU Solidarity with Palestine. His language studies include Spanish, Latin, Italian, and Arabic.

“When photographing children in Missouri, Haiti or Brazil, I ask, ‘Dare I invade their lives at this moment?’ Yet how can I not share these children with the world . . .” (56).

It is through photographs like Mev’s that have captured many people’s attention to the problems in other parts of the world. For me, hearing about tragedies in other parts of the world does not always spark my interest. It seems so far away. But putting an innocent face to the situation, showing me what the problem is rather than telling me is more proactive and strikes a chord of emotion. Plus pictures, although containing some bias, are left more open to interpretation than someone’s words. You can’t necessarily believe everything you hear, but photographs are tangible proof that these problems exist.

“Consumerism is to consume for the mere pleasure more than is necessary. This is exactly the contrary when you come from a poor country. . . That is, here in the U.S. the most sought-after foods are low-calories. The most valued foods in poor countries are those with calories” (33).

Ironic isn’t it? We take SO much for granted, so much. I take SO much for granted. I paid 300 dollars this year to go see the Cardinals win the World Series. 300 dollars elsewhere in the world could buy a house. What is wrong with us? If we took all the money brought in from the World Series this year, how many people could we provide shelter for? People are going cold and hungry because I had to see a baseball game. It makes me feel so guilty to think about it. I just feel overwhelmed thinking about it sometimes.

“What do we fill our God-shaped hole with? Positive addictions and negative ones? Writing ambitions? Mozart and fall leaves?” (94).

I fill mine with everything, but God sometimes. I go shopping, I party, I run, I work, I gossip, I eat, I study, study, study, all the while turning farther and farther away from God. I can feel it when this happens. The hole never feels quite full, no matter how much of each of the above things I do. Although it is important for me to take at least a few minutes of each day to maintain and develop a relationship with Him, I forget that this is also possible through many of the activities that I enjoy. God is with us at all times of the day, not just at church, or when we pray. How easy it is to be distracted and forget!

“These are the single acts of kindness, each one like a single stitch, a single snowflake of lace, that perhaps we can only interpret rightly and fully appreciate, in their wholeness and beauty, after her death” (156).

I just thought these words were beautiful in themselves. I picture each person like a work of art, be it a painting, a sculpture, a quilt, a photograph. All of the person’s acts, good and bad, make a brushstroke, a “stitch”, a pixel. The finished product (although for many, the piece may remain forever incomplete when they have been called to God early, like Mev) should tell the story of who the person is. If the person was good, the artwork would reflect those little acts of kindness, reflection, compassion, selflessness. However, the selfish, unkind, and/or unjust person will be found out through their artwork. I can remind myself that if in order to be beautiful, I need to make every little act count for something because all acts remain a part of you, even if you have forgotten them because someone else has not.

“Humanity as humanity doesn’t commit suicide. So I believe that humanity will begin to open its eyes, and return to a naturalness and a certain sobriety” (145).

This said in an interview with Mev and Pedro Casaldaliga. I really hope Pedro is right. What we are doing to ourselves is like committing suicide; a slow, painful death. However, we do not purposefully do it with the intention of hurting ourselves. As we start to realize the impact of our selfish actions, like polluting with abandon, practicing consumerism, waging war, we shall, hopefully, attempt to reverse the damage. If reversal is at all possible. I cannot picture how this would occur, but I like to think that it will, one person at a time.

“’Mark, we just don’t know why God is taking Mev away from you.’ Pause. ‘But who knows? Maybe in a few years He’ll give you somebody else’” (312).

I hesitated to put this quote in, but I kept thinking about it so it seemed right. It stirred a reaction in me, made me really feel for you, Mark. Like you said elsewhere in the book, people would often try to comment about Mev to you, but their timing was off, or yours was. This person’s timing was way off! Actually his whole thought process was off. God wasn’t just taking Mev away from you, He was taking her from so many others whose lives she touched either directly, or indirectly. But at the same time God was giving her back because like the quote above says, “we can only interpret rightly and fully appreciate, in their wholeness and beauty, after her death”. He has givin her back to me, to all others who read The Book of Mev, hear by word of mouth about her acts of kindness, and see her photography. I know Mev is still with you and in that sense, God did not take her from you, but brought you both closer.

Lauren Daugherty studied Social Justice in fall 2006. She is in the Physical Therapy doctoral program at SLU.

“And a husband shouldn’t have to write his wife’s obituary three and a half years into their marriage, either. But that second week of January, as we kept vigil through the night, we were expecting Mev to die any minute. And, reckoning that I would have far more urgent matters to attend to within a few days, and with the New York Times obituary page as my guide, I finally made space at my desk and took a stab…” (Chmiel 16).

The first few years of a marriage are supposed to be bliss. No one ever really thinks about burying a spouse when they first get married. The idea itself sounds horrible and unthinkable. Because the idea of spousal death sounds so horrible, one shrugs it off as: “I will worry about that when I am eighty.” Since the possibility of death so early into a marriage is so unthinkable, when it actually does happen it is all the more painful for it. Writing an obituary is a difficult endeavor in itself. Writing a young woman’s obituary is even more tragic. Writing an obituary for one’s young wife is a daunting, nearly impossible task. I cannot fathom how difficult such a task would be.

“I talk about not taking ourselves too seriously. I believe that humor is something that allows us to take a certain distance from things so we don’t feel too much in the center of everything. I often fear that living in the midst of such severe problems we understandably tend to think that ours are the greatest problems of humanity. We even tend to take theology and people doing theology too seriously. I also consider humor important in life because it helps us not to be close to other things and persons. I believe that one of the greatest victories of those who oppress the poor is if they can make the poor bitter. Bitterness makes us close to other people. One thing I see and admire in poor persons is that they know how to keep up a certain capacity of happiness, and humor is an expression of happiness. The joy of the poor is not superficial.

The poor have a sense of humor, though not intellectual or refined humor. The children in my neighborhood have a great sense of humor. The intellectuals, on the other hand, tend to think they are the center of the world. Also, people who are worried, tense and busy tend to think that the whole world revolves around them. For people like this humor is great therapy.” (Gustavo qtd. in Chmiel 32).

I think it is slightly ironic that I read this passage during the busiest time of the year. This passage relates so much to my personal life, rather my academic life. This year, I put too heavy of a load on myself. I am taking twenty-three credit hours, fourteen credits of which are science classes, and I have a job. These days, the world seems to revolve around me. Humor truly works wonders. Without it, I would be losing my mind. Laughter makes it all seem so much easier to handle.

“‘You’re not a coward, Mev. It takes a lot to know when you’ve had enough. No, it would have been silly to stay and really do damage to yourself.’

And I didn’t. So much of Mev’s identity was invested in her work, her abilities, her success—the one thing to avoid, the number one calamity to stave off at all cost was failure. She didn’t take too kindly to my efforts to shore up her self-assurance and I learned very quickly that she hated it when she perceived that I really wasn’t listening. That’s all she wanted—just to have me hear her anguish, confusion and self-doubt; but, true to the social construction of my pragmatic American gender, I wanted to fix her problem. There was no fixing this. Mev came home from Brazil broken, emptied, weary” (Chmiel 74).

I really can relate to Mev. A couple of weeks ago, I had a similar experience. I had a missed call on my cell phone from my mom. I called her back to see what she wanted, and after she was done, I gave her my news. “I did horrible on my chemistry test.”
“It is okay if you get a C. When I took that accounting class, I was grateful to come out with a C.”
“No Mom, it is not okay!” I snapped. “I have to get a B.”
And she did not understand. She tried. She wanted to, and she wanted to make me feel better. It is difficult for me for two reasons. The first reason is that I need to get at least a B for my pre-physician assistant scholars program. Another reason is that I have always identified myself as a good student. I always wondered what my life would be like without school. Though I claim to despise it, it is part of me and a central part of my life. I value myself as a person through my success in school. When people ask about my talents, school and learning always pop into my mind, but now, I do not even feel like a good student. I no longer feel smart. I feel less like myself. I feel like a failure.

“When you have everything, you value nothing. I’ve seen people with ten brands of cheese in their refrigerators. Their biggest problem is choosing what kind of cheese they want! How many times I traveled by horseback in the backlands and arrived at the house of a peasant—and the only thing they could give me was a little cup of water! But, that cup of water is so valuable! So welcomed!” (Casaldaliga qtd. in Chmiel 143).

This rings true in our society that revolves around consumerism. Everybody has to have the latest material goods—the newest game systems, the most high tech computers, iPods, you name it. People are still not satisfied. The more they acquire; the more they desire. A gift is all the more precious if one has very little. After awhile, nothing is precious, because people are used to having everything they desire. If people learn to value everything, they will be satisfied with less. On the first day of one of my high school English classes, my teacher placed a chair on his desk. He told us to describe the chair. Then he told us to write about what we would think if we were given the chair. Next, we wrote about how we would feel if we were rich and received the gift of the chair. Finally, we wrote about how we would feel if we were poor and were gifted with the chair. The descriptions of the chair were vastly different. When one was wealthy, he or she was tempted to throw it away or stash it in an attic; after all, it was ugly and uncomfortable. On the other hand, when one had very little, the chair was beautiful and a wonderful place to sit and rest one’s feet. It gives one a good idea of how little we value material goods in the United States.

“Sad. Disturbing. Excluding. A vision of church I don’t hold. I am a part of this church, I choose to remain a member, but there is something very flawed in this order, this structure, this theology. Even with an all-male clergy concelebrating, imagine the symbolism if there was a half-circle of seats for bishops right in the middle of the thousands of youth—a more inclusive image of church. Not to happen.

All men on stage, in robes and hats and crowns, their time had come. We can do the warm up, but the youth, women, blacks and Hispanics become spectators to the spectacle of the male. To be a part of this multicultural worshipping community is a joy, but who and what are we worshipping? It is so top heavy, so male, such a pyramid. This is our church.” (Puleo qtd. in Chmiel 210).

Unfortunately, sexism is prevalent within the Catholic Church. It is ridiculous that women cannot become priests. Sexism is also apparent in many of the readings within the Catholic Church. I understand the Bible is a very old text, and one can expect to find the women in a more subordinate position, but that does not need to be preached to the modern Church. A couple months ago in church, the one of the readings taught, “Wives, be subordinate to your husbands…” It angered me that this was read in church. The book actually had this enclosed in parenthesis and said, “Omit for shorter mass”. Would it have been so bad to have a shorter mass just this one time, so as not to preach that husbands are superior and dominant over their wives? I would not have had any problem with the passage had it taught, “Wives, be subordinate to your husbands, and husbands, be subordinate to your wives.”

This last passage, I am going to write about a little differently. Originally, I had marked this quote, not to include in this commonplace book, but to talk about it with my boyfriend. I thought that the passage and my thoughts on it were personal, and I was not sure that I would feel comfortable writing about it. In class, we wrote about our reactions to The Book of Mev, and my reaction was centered on this passage. An excerpt from my journal:
November 28, 2006
My reaction to The Book of Mev…
Sad. Terribly sad. Touching. “He and I both knew that Mev didn’t have much time left. It was startling to recall that just four months earlier, she and I were riding bikes around Forest Park. As we zoomed down the Skinker hill, Mev was cheering, she was so thrilled to be moving so fast (I often tormented myself this way, with odious comparisons: ‘Ok, five weeks ago, we were making love in a frenzy and now, nothing, except holding a weakened hand.’)” (Chmiel 312). Such life! Such vitality! Fading. Only a shadow remains. The difficulty of seeing the one you love fading into a mere shadow of his or her own self. For a man to lose his partner, his partner in life and love. His confidant. His wife. His lover. To be so young and no longer able to express the physical love that a marriage entails. To see your soul mate fading away. “The friend then looked up at me and said, with gravity, ‘Mark, we just don’t know why God is taking Mev away from you.’ Pause. ‘But who knows? Maybe in a few years He’ll give you somebody else’” (Chmiel 312). To lose your other half, and to have someone tell you that you may find someone else, while still knowing in your heart that there will never be another to fill the hole in your heart.

Amber took Social Justice at SLU in the fall of 2006.

by Sarah Wimmer

Mark,

It has been a long time since we have been in touch, but I just wanted to reconnect in order to thank you.

When you visited Omaha and treated me to dinner you encouraged me to do what I loved in terms of volunteering and not to concern myself so much with the financial details. Well, I took your advice, sort of. I turned down several of the teaching options I had before me, realizing that it was not what I felt I was needed for. I continued a long agonizing search until I came up with the Center for Development in Central America. A sustainable development organization that assists Nicaraguans in the instigation, construction, business, etc of sustainable projects including a women’s sewing co-op, many agriculture projects, a health clinic, and several other endeavors.

And here I sit, in Cuidad Sandino, 6 kilometers outside of Managua, thankful for advice such as yours that helped give me the diligence to continue a search and not settle for teaching rich kids English.

A second note of thanks, thanks again, for writing The Book of Mev. I, stupidly, forgot my own copy (although it should be arriving via package any day now, along with The Struggle is One) but was graciously lent a copy from James Meinert. Thank God someone has thought this out! But reading the book again, it takes a whole new meaning now that I am in Nicaragua. Sometimes I feel like the book serves as a sort of guide, to help sort out experiences and emotions I’ve had. For instance, the other day, my friend, Alyse, and I were discussing the essence or idea of God as opposed to the generic image of God, and a conversation around those lines. That happened to be the night I was lent The Book of Mev, and before going to bed, I started thumbing through, looking for my favorite parts. I happened to land on the reflection called God/5 from Ivone Gebara. By the time, I found Alyse, I was shaking as I read. The reflection, although it was short, was the exact outline of the conversation we had just had, paragraph by paragraph, we just used different examples.

It’s funny too, when I journal, I think of Mev a lot and the details you let us share in the Book of Mev. It’s dorky, but often times, I even strive to make my reflections and entries ‘Mev quality.’ I know that not all entries are meant to be life altering, but it does push me to really reflect and consider experiences.

So thank you, thank you, thank you, for making yourself and Mev’s experiences available to me. It’s amazing how much one encounter can affect the way you perceive.

Sarah

Sarah graduated from Creighton University in May 2006.